Where’s the Line?
The holidays are officially over (although our tree is still, sadly, up and dying in its stand). The kids have gone back to school.
Dylan’s tutor will be coming twice a week. His enormous algebra exam takes place sometime in the next two weeks. I had no idea they gave exams in January – but here it is, upon us. He has a 34% in the class. And, thanks to my lovely email asking his teacher to be kind to my son, I haven’t heard back from her after several subsequent emails. Oddly, I think, she doesn’t want to talk to me. She surely doesn’t want to help Dylan anymore.
Meanwhile, Shane forgot his backpack on Thursday (his first day back to school in two weeks) and today he forgot his instrument for band. I yelled at him all the way home to get his backpack on Thursday, then said nothing about the instrument today. I drove home and got both for him – which won’t happen again, but I feel somewhat responsible for not remembering myself that today was band practice.
After all the time we’ve had off – just having fun, playing Monopoly, going skiing, watching movies and eating pizza – I feel like I’ve been out of a job for several weeks and suddenly have to return to work. It’s funny, because I don’t usually consider raising the kids a job – although I know it is one. It’s just my life.
But with the return to the house to pick up the instrument this morning, I realized that the kids could really do without so much interference on my part. They’d learn more if I weren’t there to pick up the instrument and bring it to school. The teacher might respond to emails if I hadn’t been so blatant about my feelings.
Then again, Dylan would still have a 34% and Shane would have been without an instrument – so where’s the line, exactly, and did I cross it already?
I keep saying, I’m going to step back and let my kids make their own mistakes, fall on their own faces. But it’s so HARD to let them fall on their faces, when I’m standing right there, willing and able to help.
I don’t want to be one of those parents who does everything for their kids. I want them to learn things as they go. I want them to make their own choices and even their own errors in judgment.
I know about allowing kids to have their own consequences to their own actions. I’ve read all the right books. I know what I’m supposed to do. And maybe – just maybe – in 2014, I’ll be better able to do it.
But probably not.