This is What People at This Age Do.
The family was in the car for more than three hours yesterday, and Dylan texted the whole time. We got home and he texted for another hour. It’s like there’s glue on his fingers, causing them to be constantly stuck to the cell phone keyboard.
I finally bellowed, “THAT’S IT! You have 10 minutes and then NO MORE TEXTING TODAY!”
Bill and I know that Dylan’s behavior is normal. We know it’s the same issue that kept our parents screaming at us while we sat in the kitchen, tied to a corded phone, mumbling and giggling.
This is what people at this age do.
But I wasn’t prepared for the text that Dylan sent me after my bellow:
Mom, I dont think you know what im talking about when i text. I have saved two peoples lives by texting. Ive had almost my only communication to my friends by texting. Ive stopped 4 people from cutting from texting. And relieved the depression of 6 people by texting. I have had people to talk to when im sad or angry. They understand me because they are going through what im going through. I feel safe and happy when im texting. And when you tell me that im being obnoxious and rude and “ignoring you” by doing it, it makes me feel awful for feeling that way.
I read this, then sat still, stunned.
What a sad commentary on what kids deal with today. My son is saving lives. He is helping his friends. He is there for them, in a dramatic way. What he is doing matters. And in his world, it matters more than anything in my world.
I want him to be able to talk to his friends – and now, even more so. I don’t want to hold him back from his blossoming social life, or from his fitting role as human angel. So it took me awhile to think about what really bothers me about his texting. Finally, I wrote back:
U r right. I dont know. Because u dont tell me. U dont share these things with me anymore ever. U may be doing wonderful things. I have no doubt that u r. But u dont talk to me about what is going on with u. U dont talk to me about what is going on with ur friends. And its got to be a lot for u to handle on ur own.
Yes, I am hurt that u ignore me when u r texting but I think its important to have friends and be in contact with them as often as u need to be. I guess what I am saying is that I would be a lot more ok with the amount of texting if, sometimes, u would also share ur life with me. Not just ur grades and playing board games, but real stuff that goes on with u. U should also feel safe with me. And I am not perfect but I am working very hard at being a good listener and not just telling u what to do all the time. If u would give me a chance to listen, I could. I am not asking u to share secrets or tell on ur friends. I just wish u would try sometimes to still talk to me too.
And there it was – the crux of the issue. I want him to expand his world, but I want him to know I am there for him, too.
I didn’t get a response to my (labor of love) text. But that’s okay, because I know he heard me. I was speaking his language.