I Completely Lost It.
I am doing a poor job with my new listening skills.
Yesterday, I had some quality alone time with Dylan – in the car, as usual. We were on our way to see a movie together. He started texting before we got out of the driveway.
I tried making a little joke. “Who are you texting now?” I asked.
“Why does it matter who I’m texting?” said my teenager, clearly annoyed.
“I just wanted to practice my new listening skills!” I said. “I’m ready!”
He didn’t say anything. Dylan didn’t even look at me.
I hardly paused to breathe before repeating everything I’d said in my text two days earlier, then topping it off with, “I just want to know who is more important than me!”
He got a bit defensive. It wasn’t really a surprise. I’d started to lose it.
Things came out of my mouth like, “You never talk to me!” and “I just don’t understand what happened to you!” and “Really? You won’t say ANYthing to me?” and “NOTHING?!”
Dylan said nothing at all. I’m not sure, by that point, that anything coming out of his mouth would have made any difference. I completely lost it.
By the time we got to the movie theater, I was stomping around like an angry toddler. I did things like slamming the car door and ordering him to “TAKE YOUR WATER BOTTLE” which was already in his hand.
“Hurry up; we’re late!” I yelled at him, as we walked at least half a mile more than we needed to, because I’d parked in the wrong place.
At one point, just before we got to the theater, I turned on my heel – he was walking 10 yards behind me – and snarled, “I could just see this movie tomorrow by myself!”
“I know,” he said. “I’d like to see it.”
So we went to the movie. We had a nice time. We came out of it okay, but I am now wary of my own abilities to do anything right.
Sometimes, really, I think I have a psychological disorder. But I will keep trying.