You Have to Calm Down.
After Dylan went to college, Shane had only two scheduled events in his immediate future: a surgery to remove his wisdom teeth, and the beginning of 10th grade.
Needless to say, these were not Shane’s most anticipated events of the year. But he went in to have his wisdom teeth removed without much anxiety, and his OCD seemed to take a backseat to rational thought.
So I thought Shane did really well. In fact, he did DO really well. The surgery went perfectly.
But appearances can be deceiving.
Driving to the surgical office, Shane seemed to be comfortable and talkative. In the car, I asked, “Do you have any questions? Are you concerned about anything?”
“Not really,” he said casually. “I’m going to be asleep.”
We sat together in the waiting room, just chatting. The nurse opened the door and said, “Okay, Shane!” He stood up and looked at me.
And I didn’t get up. Having been through this surgery with Dylan, I knew I wasn’t going into the surgical room with Shane.
But somehow Shane didn’t know that.
Several days after the surgery, Shane told me what happened next.
“I didn’t know you weren’t coming in,” he said. “So I went back and they put those things on my chest, like you see in the movies, to see what my heart was doing. Those little stickers with wires on them?”
It took me a minute to understand. “An EKG?”
“Yeah, and then we sat there for a long time. They kept saying, ‘You have to calm down; you have to calm down. Just relax!’ I felt like I was calm. But they just kept saying I had to calm down for the longest time. Some lady came over and talked to me; I still don’t know what her job was. She just kept asking me questions about my life.”
“So your heart was beating too fast for them to start the operation?”
“I guess so,” Shane said. “And I just had to sit there for a really long time with those things on my chest and them saying I had to calm down.”
Eventually, his heart rate slowed enough that they could start the procedure. And everything went well.
But I learned something in Shane’s retelling of the story. In the past 15 years, I’ve always been amazed at Shane’s calm demeanor. He’s always been a laid-back kind of guy. Outwardly, this doesn’t change.
Apparently, though, Shane has a pretty serious case of anxiety on the inside. Between the OCD and the speedy heart rate, I am learning – the hard way – that Shane could use some calming techniques for his life.
So in addition to encouraging him to learn how to recognize anxiety in therapy, I’m going to see what I can find for him to do at home. If OCD is rooted in anxiety – and everything I’ve read said that it is – and the stress of Dylan’s leaving exacerbated it to the point of near insanity – then maybe reducing stress should be Shane’s number one priority.
And thank goodness: that is something with which I can help.