Brilliant … But Bouncy

This is How It Begins.

In the morning, after “I quit” being responsible for Dylan’s entire life, I woke up feeling strangely empty.

I didn’t have anything to do.

It was a Sunday, so I had to get ready for church. Shane was singing with his youth group.

I have to make sure he’s wearing the right shirt, I thought, knowing he’d already be awake, dressed, and wearing the right shirt. (He was.)

At least I have Shane, I thought – followed immediately by, NO. I don’t need to obsess over Shane the way I’d obsessed over Dylan for so many years, even though Shane is younger and there’s still time for me to “take care” of him.

I didn’t know how to handle Dylan. I woke him up and yelled at him, as always. Then I thought, I really will leave without him today, if he’s not ready on time.

But he was ready on time. He came downstairs and made himself a high-protein breakfast.

I didn’t feel like I’d quite done enough, after only 14 years of constant vigil. So I went to the computer and made a list.

• take responsibility for your own health
• know what you need to succeed
• exercise and take care of your body
• brush and floss (use water pik)
• wipe dinner table every night
• do Saturday jobs on Saturday
• set alarm and get out of bed on time
• be ready to go and downstairs on time
• be prepared by taking all the things you need
• demonstrate proper, respectable behavior
• know when work is due and turn it in
• bring home all the things you need
• do homework without being asked
• do jobs without being asked
• get to sleep at a reasonable hour

I gave him the list. I said, “This is everything I’ve told you in the past 14 years, the stuff you need to do to be responsible. If you want to go on the school trip, act like an adult, or be treated like an adult, then these are the things you need to do.”

“Okay,” he said.

It didn’t feel sufficient, but I backed off anyway.

I’ve done all I can do.

So now what do I do? I have no life outside of these kids. I have nothing to do, no life of my own, nothing to think about, nothing to research. I’ve created my own empty nest syndrome, and my kids are still here!

I knew about this, of course. I mean, I knew it was coming someday. So I padded myself with softball teams, a gym membership, and a part-time teaching job.

But none of that takes place on Sunday.

So I went to church. I saw Shane sing, which was awesome. And then the minister started to talk. He talked about the Golden Rule, about “doing unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

He talked about creating a healthy environment within yourself, so that you have room for God to take over your life. He talked about clearing out everything else so that there’s plenty of room for God.

And then I remembered: This is how it begins.