Stay Cozy!

I got a note from Cozy Earth’s president. Cozy Earth sells some very fine, all-natural bedding. It looks awesome and its products get great reviews, but it costs a fortune.

Apparently my new friend Tyler, founder and CEO, has personally noticed that I have been frequenting their site for a couple of weeks, nearly every day, hoping the price of their bamboo mattress pad will drop.

I wanted to send you a quick note to thank you for your interest in Cozy Earth. … Each day, I try to reach out to as many “first time” visitors as I can. I know buying something for the first time comes with skepticism, especially if you’ve never experienced it before….

It’s our mission to deliver personal luxury for the master suite. That means enhancing your rest and at-home lifestyle with products that are surprisingly better.

You mean everything to us here at Cozy and serving you with life-changing products is why we get out of our Cozy beds every morning:) Stay cozy!

So I wrote a note back to Tyler (whose email is surprisingly the same as “customer service”) to let him how reality feels.

Thanks, Tyler, for your interest in whether or not I make a decision on buying your product. To be honest, I am not interested in luxury living. I just desperately need a mattress pad that is not made of synthetic material, since I have a ridiculous number of sensitivities. I am not looking for ‘personal luxury for the master suite,’ although it sounds nice. I am just looking for one night of rest on my 21-year-old mattress with its disgusting, torn-up, polyester mattress pad.

Unfortunately, the mattress pad I want – yours – costs $171.75 on sale. For a mattress company president, maybe that doesn’t sound like much. But for me, whose second child is headed to college in the fall while the other is not yet graduated, it is a lot of money.

So every day, I look at the $171.75 mattress pad and think, “I could get six mattress pads or ONE new mattress.” And every night, I go to sleep on my 21-year-old mattress with its flattened mattress pad and torn synthetic pad covering. And every night I wake up – uncomfortable and unhappy – in the middle of the night, wishing I had either the “luxury” mattress pad or a new mattress.

So yes, I am still looking at your mattress pad. But unless the price drops by about half, I will never buy it. I will just suffer through, as is usually the case, until the mattress breaks or disintegrates and forces me to buy a new one.

Thanks for your offer of coziness for me. Alas, it is probably not meant to be.

Someone named Jenn responded to my email to “Tyler,” and sent me a coupon for 40% off. Plus she offered me a full refund if I didn’t absolutely love my new mattress pad.

My new friend Jenn said this would bring the cost down to $147.

I did a quick calculation: 40% off the sale price? Wait, that’s not $147! It’s only $103! And sure enough: Jenn was wrong.

The gambling addict inside me grumbled and took over where common sense once reigned.

Forty percent off! said the gambler. Get it before she figures it out!

Knowing deep down that Jenn probably miscalculated on purpose, I grabbed the deal and bought the mattress pad. I will continue to sleep on my 21-year-old mattress until it crumbles beneath me.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *