So. Much. Laughter!
I went to eight schools before I went to college: one in Falls Church, Virginia; one in Metarie, Louisiana; three in Westminster, Maryland; two in Blacksburg, Virginia and one in Churchill, Pennsylvania. Every single time I went to a new school, I thought: This time it’s going to be different. And every time I went to a new school, it was exactly the same. I didn’t talk to anyone and, as such, I was lonely and friendless, until somehow a friend or two found me.
But when I went to college, something happened that had never happened before: I made a ton of friends. The first week before classes was filled with orientation events – games and shows and more games. I had never had so much fun in my life. I spent all day playing games with complete strangers, adrenaline and serotonin at an all time high. I talked to everybody. I talked to the guys, the girls and the authority figures. I talked to freshmen and upperclassmen. All day during the games, I talked.
At night, when I had a bit too much time on my hands, I drank – or rather, everyone drank. There were parties everywhere. And while I wasn’t quite old enough to drink legally until the second week of college, the bars served students without a second glance.
When I felt awkward during the day – which was often, since we couldn’t play games every second of every day – I simply ate. Keeping my mouth full was a way to feel less obligated to chit-chat. In the dining hall or in the dorm, I would sit with my new friends and we’d all talk … or rather, they would talk and I would listen. And with an unlimited cafeteria plan, I could pile up the crackers and cream cheese in front of me, or swirl around a mix of soft serve and Froot Loops. I gained a ton of weight and just kept eating.
I stayed busy constantly. For the first time in my life, I fell into a group of girls who actually included me in activities. I joined the newspaper staff and the tennis team, like I had in high school, but what I enjoyed most was sitting around with the women and just talking – and laughing. So. Much. Laughter!
I realize now that staying busy was a key for me – movement increased my ability to be a part of whatever was going on, and I was more willing to put myself into new situations than ever before. I desperately wanted what college offered: a seemingly safe environment where I could find myself – and be myself. And I definitely found that at Mount Union pouring myself 100% into everything I did.
Looking back, it’s amazing to me how many people I adored during my freshman year. I liked everybody. And I thought everybody liked me. In other words, I was accepting – and I was accepted. It’s a feeling I hadn’t had before college – and one I didn’t have again until I landed in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Of course, I learned in both places that I didn’t always like everyone, and not everyone liked me – but at least I felt positive, upbeat and warm toward the people I met. College was my first real step into society, into adulthood – and I learned more about people in those four years than I ever dreamed possible.