Brilliant … But Bouncy

No One Can Stop You From Doing This.

When Dylan and I spent the entire day driving for a college interview, Shane stayed home and had the whole house to himself. This was a real treat for him, because he has never been alone at home for that long. I left him this note for when he woke up:

Dear Shane,

I can’t even believe you are old enough to stay home alone, but here you are – old enough to stay home alone ALL DAY LONG.

I would be remiss if I didn’t at least give you some motherly words of wisdom before leaving. So here goes:

1. “Remiss” means neglecting my duty. (This may come in handy when you take the SATs in a few years.) Speaking of being remiss, when you’re alone and the dishwasher is clean, you actually have to empty it. Sorry about that, but that’s how it works.

2. If you feel the need to use the stove – by all means, TURN IT OFF IMMEDIATELY when you are done cooking. The percentage of house fires that start in the kitchen is astronomical. Please do not add to that percentage.

3. The dog might go out and sit on the deck instead of peeing. Make sure she pees, especially since you’re only letting her out every few hours, but she is allowed to sit on the deck for as long as she likes, as long as you are nearby. I try not to leave her outside for more than half an hour, so she doesn’t get too hot, cold or uncomfortable.

4. You are allowed to be on electronics, video games and TV all day long. When no parents are around, no one can stop you from doing this. But remember: this will make your special day go really fast, and you will feel like you’ve missed it when it’s over. Enjoy your time, and do something like writing stories, coloring, chatting on the phone, reading a book, dancing to the jukebox, and/or walking the dog. Activities that are not electronic don’t “waste” time – they enhance it. You can also weed bushes if you’d like.

5. If you are leaving home (see #4 about walking the dog, above), please be careful if you intend to cross the street, or let the dog off the leash, or wander through the woods alone. I suggest you do none of those things, for ultimate safety.

That’s all the motherly wisdom I can convey for your one day alone. I think you’re a responsible, mature person and that you will make responsible, mature choices today. And regardless of what those choices are, I love you and I hope you have a good day.

Love,

Mom

PS-You know I will call a bunch of times, but it’s not because I don’t trust you. It’s because I will miss you when I’m gone. And also sometimes I forget stuff.

At the end of the day, just before Bill got home from work and took him out to dinner and ping pong, I texted Shane and asked if he had a good day.

Shane responded:

Yeah

I know on ur note you said that I probably shouldn’t spend the whole day on electronics

But I kinda maybe spent the whole day on electronics

I did take the dog for a walk and empty the dishwasher and played a little bit of wall ping pong tho

But I watched way too much TV.

Shane’s real concern is that he watched nearly an entire season of a new show, and the next season doesn’t start for more than a month.

I guess we all learn the hard way.