It’s Like Having a Bully Inside the Brain.
Shane’s OCD began to dominate his life, rather suddenly, sometime during our summer vacation at the end of July.
Back in the spring, he was worried about things. Shane was afraid to read his homework “too well” for fear of getting a grade that would set his GPA “too high,” which would get him into “too good” of a college and cause him to get a job that he didn’t want. If he got through his homework, then, his life would be mess as an adult.
Instead of worrying about failing, Shane was worried about succeeding. And the thought of his life being ruined by how well he did – or didn’t – read his homework assignment was debilitating.
But a few weeks later, Shane’s OCD had progressed – in his mind – to a much scarier place. He still couldn’t concentrate on reading. But he was also worried that if he did something involuntarily – move his hand or swallow – he could inadvertently destroy everyone on the planet.
Therapy’s answer was to have him do exactly what the OCD didn’t want him to do. So Shane moved and swallowed, fully expecting that he was somehow killing people because of his actions. He felt guilty and horrible and didn’t want to do anything because of both the risk that someone would die, and the guilt that he had caused it.
Shane knew intellectually that he wasn’t being rational. But his thoughts were taking on a life of their own – which is exactly how OCD feels. It’s like having a bully inside the brain, telling you things that aren’t true just to get a rise out of you.
And with Dylan on the verge of leaving home, Shane is getting worse instead of better – possibly related to stress.
His therapist suggested medication – which must be prescribed by a psychiatrist, which Shane doesn’t have. So I am seeking psychiatrists.
I am researching like mad on the internet for natural assistance – even temporary help: supplements, amino acids, ways to boost serotonin – anything to help Shane now. Vitamin B, a serotonin booster, seemed to make his OCD worse. So he tried 5-HTP, an amino acid that helps with serotonin production. It didn’t seem to do anything at all.
There’s some evidence that an overabundance of glutamine in the brain might exacerbate OCD. This made sense, given the crap that Shane eats, but the brain has very strong protection (called the blood brain barrier) to keep glutamine out. So I bought some NAC to boost that barrier and prepared Shane with a list of chemical glutamine items. I warned him that he might need to change the way he eats, but most of that stuff isn’t in the foods he eats.
Shane’s symptoms are 100% normal for someone with OCD, but they are scary symptoms. I am just hoping and praying – and praying some more – that Shane is all right.
I just want him to be all right.