Insert Lame Excuse Here.
We checked Dylan’s grades at the mid-way point of the final quarter of 7th grade. He has 100% in Engineering and Chorus – and 98% in P.E. We are so proud. All of that without medication!
Unfortunately, he has 3 D’s – in algebra, social studies and science – and Dylan is failing English. He’s also accomplished all of that without medication.
Most of these grades can be remedied by Dylan simply turning in his work. He completes some of it, but he rarely turns in anything. He claims that he doesn’t know which things need to be turned in, and which things don’t need to be turned in.
For algebra specifically, he is missing eight assignments. He has had math homework four days a week since the second grade. And yet, he claims that he didn’t know that there was homework for those eight days.
When Dylan gets home from school, he goes straight to the couch, plays on his iPad, listens to his iPod, and texts his friends all afternoon. This happens every day, without fail.
“Are you sure you don’t have homework?” I ask him.
“I don’t think I have any homework,” he says.
“Did you ask your teachers after class, just to be sure?” (This is a strategy we developed last month, so that Dylan would know for sure if he has homework. He’s supposed to ask his four core teachers every day if he has any homework or missing assignments.)
“Oh, I forgot to do that today,” he says, “because (insert lame excuse here).”
For about a week, I was able to check up on him. Then I forgot, or we got busy, or something happened, and now he just forgets regularly. He doesn’t use his agenda book. He doesn’t use the voice recorder we got him. He doesn’t write down anything.
Our next trick is a pen that records classes on the end of the pen. The special ed coordinator is going to learn how to use them, and Dylan will get one for school next year. It sounds like a miracle.
It also sounds like a long time away. And it sounds like another cool gadget that will keep Dylan interested for a few weeks, until he comes up with another excuse as to why he can’t use it to record what needs to be done for homework – or why he “forgot” to turn it on during class.
We took away Dylan’s video game privileges last week, when we learned that he was missing some assignments. He still hasn’t bothered to turn in those assignments – and now there are a dozen more.
So we took away his phone, too.
Now he’s furious with us for the consequences of his actions – and I spent the morning at school, talking to the algebra teacher (who is no longer allowing homework to be turned in late – but will make an exception this once) and talking to the special ed coordinator (who will hopefully be getting that pen for him).
There are no other options. With medication out, and every natural cure already tried and failed, I am lost.
When I was a kid, smart and scattered, my parents required me to get my agenda book signed by each teacher with the day’s assignments written in.
That may be an option.
Dylan has writing issues – and with four minutes between classes, he can’t keep a written book. But thank you – we have tried it! You never appeared to me to be scattered 🙂 but I am so glad it worked for you – and thank you for sharing!
You may feel lost, but you are NOT at a loss. You are creative, you persevere, you’re a great mom, and you’re reaching out. I fight this same battle (that you wrote about)regularly, too. It is daunting. Having a therapist (for me, for the kids) helps with ideas and strategies. I find that sometimes I just need to let it ride. I need a break, the kids need to learn to pick up the slack, each day is new. We can’t live our kids’ lives. I know it is tempting, and our hearts ache for them, but they will find their way. It’s probably not going to be a straight road, and no one says it will be easy (for them or us), but there is a place for everyone. We can help them find their places. At least that’s what I tell myself. On the good days.
Ah, to take a break! My brain starts going full force before I even open my eyes in the morning! I love the idea of just letting it ride. I recently posted something from Facebook on my fridge that is supposed to encourage me to stop trying to control everything and just RELAX… It would be nice if it were more than just a slogan on the refrigerator! The good news is, there is still time to learn, to grow, to inhale the wisdom and hopefully start breathing some of it out, too. Thank you!