I Was Great at Getting Jobs.
Even after I got clean, I never had a career. My excitement for jobs started with the interview and ended about three weeks after I’d started working. I didn’t stay anywhere for very long until I got sober – and even then, “long” meant “maybe a year.”
My first job, as a retail salesperson for The Gap, happened during the Christmas shopping season. I helped find jeans – then refolded and reshelved them – for harried, angry women. I hated this job.
But my second job was one of my all-time favorites: I worked at Kennywood amusement park. I sold french fries, pizza, fudge and candy, eating nearly as much food as I sold. Thrillingly, I worked “behind the scenes” at a place I’d always loved. Walking through the park before it opened was awesome.
After college I became a paste-up artist for the local Pennysaver, which was so fun – like playing Concentration all night. I was promoted to shift supervisor just before I was fired. (I couldn’t quite get to work by 5 p.m. anymore.)
Fortunately I was great at getting jobs; I just wasn’t very good at keeping them. The college cafeteria fired me because I threw away cake-covered forks instead of rinsing them. After a full year, ABC-TV fired me because I didn’t show enough enthusiasm in the mornings. The Gazette newspaper fired me – their star reporter – because I slept through a bank robbery. A local TV station fired me because I ran an old McDonald’s commercial instead of the new McDonald’s commercial (oops). And National Geographic Television fired me. I never really knew why.
It was easier quitting jobs than being fired.
I did data entry for many places. Once I left for lunch, got drunk, and never went back. (I never drank during work.) At another, I stayed for a year (sober). At still another, they required me to play video games for eight hours straight, but fired me when I called in sick.
Secretarial work suited me well: for years, I enjoyed working for Corporation for Public Broadcasting and The Carnegie Museum of Natural History. I also loved PAT transit.
I didn’t enjoy the construction company, J.C. Penney‘s buyers division, the addiction treatment office, hospital radiology, any “associations,” the leasing office in Watergate, the credit union, the retirement community, the real estate office, the home security company, or the window-selling company. Ironically, I sold windows from an entirely windowless industrial building.
I worked in a factory for exactly one day.
I sold hot dogs, nights at “The O”, for exactly two.
My favorite job ever lasted only three days: I worked with a locations scout for a movie that filmed locally. I can’t remember which movie.
My online freelance writing position had incredible perks. I also spent years designing brochures as marketing coordinator for interior decorators. I worked as a nanny and as a dog-walker. I edited books and magazine articles. I wrote pet food descriptions for an online retailer. I worked at conventions and conferences. I transcribed court transcripts for immigration attorneys. I worked with Time-Life creating educational resources.
I had tons of fun traveling to public schools and giving fundraising presentations to the masses. I handed out flyers for a non-profit in the nation’s capital, which was dreadful.
I had businesses petsitting, babysitting, writing, proofreading and transcribing.
I got my teaching certification then taught at summer camps, daycares and preschools.
Today I work as a substitute teacher and as a DoorDash driver. These are excellent choices for me because I can work and quit in the same day.
Truthfully, that’s how I like it.