Brilliant … But Bouncy

I Want This Jumbo Mailbox.

After only 15 years, our mailbox broke and we had to replace it.

“I want a cool mailbox,” I said to Bill. “I’ve always wanted a cool mailbox.”

“What do you mean?” he asked. “They’re all the same.”

“No, I want something different – like a mailbox that looks like a log cabin or a birdhouse or a truck,” I said. “I’ve always wanted a mailbox that looks like a truck!”

“Fine,” Bill said. “Figure out what you want and let me know.”

I went online and started searching. The “cool” mailboxes weren’t for sale. They were do-it-yourself projects and craft ideas that resembled mailboxes and were occasionally in use for actual mail. If I wanted to buy such a thing, it would cost me a few hundred dollars.

“Can I at least get a big mailbox?” I asked Bill. I was tired of the mailman crumpling our mail to fit it all in. Most of it was junk, but still.

“Sure,” Bill said.

“I want this jumbo mailbox,” I said. The jumbo mailbox was so big, it would hold mail for the entire block. For a month. But at least that mail wouldn’t be crumpled! It had to be ordered online (not available in stores) but it was only $25!

So we ordered our jumbo mailbox from Home Depot, and had it delivered to the store so that we could pick it up whenever Bill visited. Bill is a Home Depot nut, and he’s there every week whether he needs anything or not. Also, a jumbo mailbox requires substantial shipping costs.

Then we waited.

And waited, and waited, and waited.

Two weeks later, I still hadn’t gotten any emails about the mailbox’s arrival at the store.

I called the store. “It’s not here,” Home Depot said. “You have to call HomeDepot.com and find out what happened.”

I called HomeDepot.com. “It says here that it was delivered to the store,” HomeDepot.com said. “It was there before Thanksgiving.”

Oh no, I thought.

I called the store back. “HomeDepot.com says it’s there,” I said.

“It’s definitely not here,” the Home Depot guy said. “I’m in charge of online orders, and I don’t even remember your name!”

“Is it possible that it was accidentally moved to the shelf or something? It has to be somewhere.”

“No,” the guy said. “There’s no way. Tell you what. Why don’t you come into the store, give me your name, and then choose any mailbox we have. Cost doesn’t matter. We can do that for your trouble.”

“But we ordered a really big mailbox.”

“We have some big mailboxes out there,” he said.

“Can you let me know how big, exactly? The one we ordered was huge,” I said.

“Just give me a minute,” he said, walking to the shelves. “Okay, here’s one: jumbo mailbox, it says.”

“Does it give the measurements?” I asked, doubtful that it would be big enough to be “cool.”

I could hear the guy moving stuff around. “Let me see if it’s got the measurements –” he said. “Oh, here. Wait. Wait a minute. You know what?”

“What?”

“This is your mailbox.”

“What do you mean?”

“I turned it over to look at the measurements and there was your name, right on the box,” he said. “I mean this is literally your mailbox!”

“Oh great!” I said. “Can I come and get it now?”

“Sure,” the guy said. “We’re open till nine.”

And that’s how I got my somewhat cool, jumbo mailbox.

Which, quite honestly, is way too big. But I like it.