I Severely Lack Dopamine.
I am fairly certain that my dopamine system was broken when I was born.
Maybe I didn’t have a sufficient number of receptors to channel the dopamine to the proper places in my brain. Or maybe the base of my brain, where the soon-to-be-dopamine neurons were stored, didn’t have sufficient space for all the dopamine I was likely to need.
Or maybe I made plenty of dopamine but used it all up too fast which caused my desperate need for more.
I learned about dopamine when noticing that video games, especially when played for more than an hour a day, will suck up every ounce of dopamine in the brain and cause a desperation for more. This was obvious when my sons would suddenly become grouchy and rude after a four-hour session on the Wii.
I also learned about dopamine surges when researching my son’s ADHD. People with ADHD generally have insufficient dopamine, too, which is why they move around a lot. They use movement to create mental stimulation.
Interesting side note: sugar has the same effect as video games and movement.
I am addicted to any video game I like (so I try not to play) and, in spite of my intolerance for a variety of foods, I also eat too much sugar.
I am certain, even before any autopsy, that my brain severely lacks dopamine.
When I was small, I spun around endlessly so I could get dizzy and fall down, then get up and do it again. I wanted some kind of rush even at the age of four.
There is much research on how alcohol artificially provides surges of dopamine, too. That dopamine rush is what I was seeking when I drank. It was like my dopamine receptors were broken.
In fact, in 2023, long after I figured it out for myself, NIH finally identified the genetic markers for addiction – and verified that the dopamine system plays a role in that disorder.
And to worsen matters: alcohol, when consumed regularly over a long period of time, completely interferes with the body’s ability to create dopamine. So as I drank, seeking more dopamine, my body became more and more incapable of producing its own dopamine – making me even more dependent on alcohol.
In other words, the very thing I used for a dopamine rush killed my ability to naturally create dopamine.
And, in the vicious-cycle way of all things, I believe I was lacking the ability to properly process dopamine when I was born, so in my attempts to get more dopamine, I actually cost myself the very tiny amount of dopamine I was naturally creating on my own.
Did I mention: sugar has the exact same effect on dopamine depletion as alcohol? So when I wasn’t drinking, I was eating candy, desperately trying to always feel good.
The biggest challenge I had when I was drinking – and, quite honestly, for my entire life – is that I believed I always, always needed to feel good. Feeling “down” was unacceptable.
And I was born “down.” I was a moper and a whiner and a pessimist from birth.
Probably because I didn’t have enough dopamine.
The good news: there are other ways to increase dopamine levels naturally. Eating healthy foods, meditation, and exercise are all great dopamine-boosters.
I didn’t do those things. I drank. And drank and drank and drank and drank and drank.