I Know What You Did Wrong!
I took Shane to his ping pong league last week. It might have been my last time.
Shane still enjoys ping pong, and he has every intention of playing in the league on a weekly basis. But I will likely not be invited back.
When I was there, Shane won his first two matches. He played well, and beat two people who, he says, usually play better than he does. But Shane was on a winning streak, and having a great time.
After the second match, he said, “Next I have to play Julian, and he’s way better than me.”
“No he’s not,” I said. He was already being dragged away to play against Julian.
“You have to believe you can beat him before you can beat him!” I called after him, trying to teach him a valuable lesson about sports psychology.
But I wasn’t quick enough. Shane was gone without knowing what I was talking about.
From my vantage point, the match was a lost cause from the beginning. Shane seemed as though he was just randomly hitting the ball into the net, or off the table, without much thought or strategy. He was moving very fast and his eyes showed a touch of fear.
Shane lost the third match.
“I don’t know what I did wrong,” Shane said, sitting down.
“I know what you did wrong!” I said. “You went into that match believing he was better than you!” And then I gave Shane the five-minute lecture about sports psychology that I hadn’t finished before the match.
By the time I was done, Shane had tears in his eyes. He lost the next two matches, too.
I felt awful. I didn’t know what had happened. He had seemed so happy and then, suddenly, he was miserable. I didn’t see the connection between what I’d done and what happened to him – even though, looking back, it was so very obvious.
On the way home, I forced the issue – making it all worse – by asking what I’d said that was so devastating to him.
“Just because I say I don’t know what I did wrong,” Shane said, “it doesn’t mean you have to tell me.”
Ah.
The light bulb went on over my head. It was one of those moments when I realized, quite unexpectedly, that I needed to just shut up sometimes.
I spent the next few days begging for another chance, hoping that Shane would let me take him to ping pong another day.
But I’m not sure I deserve the opportunity.