Brilliant … But Bouncy

I Have to Do 250 Loads of Laundry.

With such excess everywhere at this time of year, I wanted to dwell on an excess of my own: dryer sheets.

I don’t enjoy doing laundry, but I try to do it well. As soon as the hampers start to overflow, I wash. Sometimes I wash before they overflow. And I do my best to ensure that if one of my kids needs specific attire on an upcoming day, that said attire is clean and dry.

I also fold and sort the clean stuff, so that each person gets one pile. Dylan is very good at picking up his clean laundry, since he only owns three pairs of pants that fit him. Shane, however, is a bit less enthusiastic about his clothes. He only picks up when asked; then he shoves it into balls in his drawer.

But I digress.

I just opened a brand new box of dryer sheets. I buy my dryer sheets at Costco, which means I buy a few boxes at a time. Whenever I open the last new box, I usually put dryer sheets on my Costco list, so that I don’t forget to buy them. Heaven forbid. I wouldn’t want one moment of static cling on my chemical-free, bleach-free, scent-free laundry!

As I opened the box, however, I noticed the number boldly printed on front: 250. I was holding a box with 250 dryer sheets in it. And as I tore the cardboard from its top, I gave this a moment’s thought.

I have to do 250 loads of laundry before I need a new box. Do I really need to put dryer sheets on my Costco list today?

Let’s say I do four loads of laundry a week. With two kids, this is not unreasonable – although it is improbable, given how I procrastinate. But just for the sake of argument, I thought, perhaps I will do four loads of laundry per week.

That’s 62 (and a half) weeks before I will need another box of dryer sheets. There are only 52 weeks in a year!

But just in case I really need to buy those dryer sheets now, let’s say I get really crazy and I do FIVE loads of laundry per week. Or even SIX loads per week. Five loads per week still means it’s nearly a year before I need another box – and even six loads a week is still more than 40 weeks.

It would be insane for me to buy dryer sheets now. What if the house burns down? What a waste of $12 that would be.

Interestingly, though, it’s not the excess amount of dryer sheets in my cupboard that bothers me.

It’s that I can’t for the life of me figure out when to buy dryer sheets, if I don’t buy them right now. If they don’t go on my list, I am afraid that I will forget to buy them until it’s too late and I will open that cupboard to get a new box and – oh no! There will be no new dryer sheets.

In 40 to 62 weeks.

But I am going to wing it. I’m going to be totally radical and not buy dryer sheets yet. Who knows? I may be so rad, I’ll do a load of laundry – or even two! – without using a dryer sheet at all.

And these are the things that make me worry that I’m a bad mom. Because God knows, those poor kids could grow up to be just like me.