I AM PROUD OF MY BOYS!
After posting my last blog entry, I realized that I may have titled it incorrectly, or maybe just put too much emphasis on the word, “proud.”
Even though my kids are the absolute light of my life – and I wouldn’t change one single, thing about them – it isn’t often that they hear me say the words, “I’m proud of you, Son.”
Am I proud? Yes! I am so proud, I could scream it from the rooftops! My kids are brilliant, beautiful, kind-hearted and funny. They are deep-down really, really decent human beings. I am incredibly proud of them, every single day of my life!
I AM PROUD OF MY BOYS!
But I don’t say that – and I am now going to address it with them (thanks to my previous blog post) – and also address it here.
When Dylan was two, and I was a fledgling parent, I read every book on parenting that I could read. I took parenting classes, mommy and me classes, and went to PEP seminars.
At some point during Dylan’s first year of preschool, a speaker came in and talked to us about increasing our child’s self-esteem. Included in this class were tips like, “Always point out specific things that you like about their work. Don’t just say, ‘That’s good.'” These were good tips.
Another thing the speaker said was, “Never tell your child that you’re proud of them. Point out, instead, that they should be proud of themselves. This will reinforce that feeling of pride in their accomplishments, and not make them dependent on you for reassurance.”
Dylan was two.
So I did these things, to the best of my ability. And I’ve done them to the best of my ability for 14 years now. Sometimes I stumbled and said, “I’m so proud of you!” And then followed it up quickly with, “You should be proud of yourself, too!” And I worried about that.
But after my previous blog post titled, “I’m Proud of You, Son,” I have had to rethink the past 14 years. I wonder, truly, if my children know that I am proud of them. I think I overlooked that part of the equation.
Instead of reinforcing how proud they should be of themselves, I may have eliminated a crucial part of successful parenting: letting my children know that I am proud of them.
So starting today, I am going to talk to them about what I learned – and what I apparently didn’t learn – and I’m going to make a concerted effort not to edit my words for the sake of their self-esteem.
When I’m proud, doggone it, I’m just going to be proud.