Brilliant … But Bouncy

I Am Going to Grow Up.

So I did it. I put myself out there. I took what I was thinking, threw it onto paper (er, the computer), and even threw in an old poem that was banging around in my head.

“Write what you want to write,” they all said. So I did.

I tossed aside the whole parenting thing for a minute, and I was just ME. Then I put it up on my blog for the whole world to see.

One person liked my blog link on Facebook. (Thanks, Glenn.)

Three days went by, and someone said they liked my poem. Which was incredibly generous, I think. (Thanks, Chris.)

My blog readership is very low, and especially low since I’ve been inconsistent in the timing of my posts for the past several months. Truly, I wasn’t expecting people to emerge from the woodwork saying, “Wow, Kirsten, I like this!”

But the lack of comments is disheartening. I am the type of person who believes that no one likes me – until proven otherwise. I probably get that from my ridiculously supportive parents, who have encouraged me to write from the age of 8, and who have positively commented on every single blog post I’ve written for more than three years.

Until the last one.

After the last one, there were only crickets. (Thanks, Mom and Dad.)

But instead of being upset with my parents – who probably never gave it a second thought and may not have even read the blog post – I am going to GROW UP. I am going to hold my head high and say, “Well, I wrote for me, which is all I ever wanted to do.”

And then I am going to keep writing anyway because I’m not writing for positive reinforcement. I am not writing for my parents. I am not writing for anyone who actually read this post the whole way through. I’m writing because it helps me to figure out me.

Truthfully, this is rather dull subject matter for anyone except me. But I’m running with it anyway. And for those of you who really only wanted to hear about my poor, now-ignored children and my revelations about parenting, I would like to apologize.

I have other things to say, and my kids are practically grown. My past is going to leak in, because it’s stuck in my head permanently. And it helps me to remember that there are more important things in this world than chasing what I want, or getting what I want right now.

So I will keep writing. And I will stop looking for validation. I hope people will read this anyway, but I’m okay if no one does.

Thanks for listening.