He Just Did So Much!
This week, I am pretending to be a single mom. Well, except that I will also be caring for my husband at our house.
Bill is having an elective surgery, which will effectively put him out of commission for important things like mowing the lawn, cooking dinner and fixing the toilet. He will be rendered utterly helpless.
For a guy like Bill, this is a terrifying prospect. He lives to do things and help people. (I prefer to do nothing.)
When I was younger, I volunteered for the Red Cross. My job was to take a nearly blind woman to the grocery store, and help her put away the groceries when we got back to her apartment. I learned a lot during that very short volunteer job, but one thing stands out in my memory above all else:
She was always alone.
I asked her once about her husband, a man she’d lived with for several decades. “Do you miss him?” I asked. “I bet you think about him all the time.”
“Oh, I suppose,” she said. “He just did so much around here!”
This seemed like a sad response to me. Didn’t she like her husband? Didn’t she miss his laugh and all the stupid stuff he said?
Like my husband, hers was always on the move. He fixed things – small things, big things, all things. He cleaned things, shopped, made meals for the two of them. He just “did so much!”
But honestly, if my husband were actually gone – not just having surgery – I would miss his silly grin more than anything. I would miss the way he gets on my nerves, even though he really gets on my nerves. I would miss hearing his voice and having him sitting next to me in the evenings. He’s a good husband, and he does a lot. But he’s also my friend.
I know some single moms, and it is an incredibly difficult thing. Doing things alone is very hard. But I think what would be most difficult is not having someone to talk to, when you just want to talk.
Bill is a good man, a good provider, and a good role model for his kids. And it is going to be difficult to watch him rendered helpless – because I love him, and I don’t want him to feel helpless. I want him to feel strong and capable and able.
But for now, we have no choice. And living with that is even harder than having so much to do around here.