Dylan Doesn’t Care.
Dylan’s first virtual week of college started Monday. He’s taking all of his classes online for the rest of the semester.
He finally got some sense of normalcy back into his life. Unfortunately, it meant that he “went back” to college and we were shut out.
Dylan’s classes don’t start until noon – 11:00 Tennessee time – and some of them are not even meeting online. Dylan is doing ad-hoc assignments and projects, posted regularly for some classes, and meeting virtually for others.
Dylan’s Group Games class is the saddest: instead of playing games with friends, Dylan is now taking a solo walk, twice a week, and using software to monitor it, for P.E. credit.
But Dylan hasn’t talked to us about any of it. He wakes up mere seconds before class, maybe 11:58 a.m. He rushes in and out of the bathroom and then, slam! He shuts the door and turns on his laptop.
After Day 1, I stopped in and asked how it went.
“It’s fine,” he said. He briefly gave me some of the details – something was “boring” – and that was all I heard.
All week. For three days, I begged him to come out of his room and eat, at least, before class. Take his vitamins. Stuff like that. Then I gave up, and shut up.
I spent ten years explaining to him that his ADHD is exacerbated by lack of sleep, but he doesn’t care. He stays up all night now. I spent ten years explaining that preparing ahead of time makes a difference in how you approach your life, but Dylan has no interest in preparing anything ahead of time.
And perhaps most importantly, I drilled into his head the fact that his vitamins will not work without animal protein – and that focus is going to be harder for him without having both vitamins and animal protein before class – but I don’t think that concept has even occurred to him since he got to college.
Dylan doesn’t care about taking care of his sleep, his food, or his vitamins. He doesn’t care about making life easier for himself with ADHD. He cares about doing everything his way – the way he’s found that works for him. The way that will have him completely screwed, should he ever need to work in the real world.
If he ends up singing for a living, this way of life will suit him fine.
But he won’t end up singing for a living – maybe not performing ever again – because he doesn’t prioritize the things that will get him there. And getting there – a career in music – requires a ton of work.
He doesn’t want to work. He wants to stay up all night with his girlfriend on FaceTime, and sleep all day while the world revolves without him.
He reminds me very much of me, and that’s not a good thing. He’s going to be very frustrated until he finds a job that works for him, that gives him a reason to get out of bed.
But for right now, he’s happy as a pig in slop. His choices will create his consequences. It’s just not my problem anymore. It’s his.
I can only stand aside and watch.