Brilliant … But Bouncy

Can I Be Responsible Really Fast?

Dylan’s curfew for electronics is 10:00. This means that, at 10:00, he turns off all video games, social media, texting, Instagram, tweeting, snap-chatting, Skyping and whatever else he does that keeps him away from the family – and from going to bed at a reasonable hour.

But one night, I found him Skyping people – still – at 10:30.

“Dylan,” I said, “it’s 10:30. You will not have any electronics for 24 hours.” He knows the consequences, and didn’t even fight.

The next day, though, during a calm moment, he broached the topic.

“I was wondering,” he said, “if there’s anything I can do to stop having all these limitations?”

“Sure,” I said. “You can show me that you’re responsible enough to handle things without all the limitations.”

“Well how can I do that if you don’t give me a chance to show you?” Dylan paused. “I mean, really the reason I keep going over my limits is because I think there’s nothing I can do to show you how responsible I am. So I figure it doesn’t matter what I do.”

“It does matter,” I told him. “It matters a lot what you do. The more responsible you are, the more privileges I can give you. And believe me, I would love it if you were responsible, because I am exhausted being the only one who is responsible for you.”

He pondered that. Or at least, he looked like he was pondering.

“Well, can I be responsible really fast?” he asked.

I almost laughed out loud. “No,” I said, “there is no way to be responsible really fast. You have to earn privileges over time, showing that you are responsible.” I pointed out the three wonderful weeks we had, back in October, when he was being incredibly responsible.

“That’s when we took away your bedtime requirement,” I told him. “And now you can go to bed whenever you want, and you’ve been responsible with making sure you get enough sleep, so we haven’t had to put the limitation back. But you are not acting responsibly. You still don’t talk to your teachers; you still don’t turn in your work on time. You didn’t even know that the science fair was tomorrow and it was the biggest event of the whole year.”

“So if I did all that stuff, I could prove that I am responsible?”

“Yes,” I said. “Over time, we would be able to trust that you are able to behave responsibly enough to do without limitations. But it does take some time.”

“Like a couple of weeks?” he asked.

“Like a couple of years,” I said. “But I’ll tell you what. If you do really well this month, and do really well until spring break, I could extend your electronics curfew until 10:30 on non-school days. But I’m talking turn in everything, talk to your teachers every day – no zero’s for a whole month. Do you think you could do that?”

“Sure,” he said.

And so, we shall see.