I Am Always “Escaped.”
Since there is a pandemic, I am not working. My job was to substitute teach – which I loved – and to teach sick kids who couldn’t regularly attend school.
Since no one is regularly attending school right now, my job is on temporary hold. But I am okay with this. Work is not my favorite thing.
Still, it would be nice to have some purpose. Fortunately, I have a dog. Loki sleeps in my room – something I now wish fervently that I had done with my prior dog – a dog I miss dearly every day.
Even my husband doesn’t sleep in my room, because he wakes me up every time he moves. So having the dog nearby isn’t necessarily my favorite thing either. Fortunately, the dog sleeps on the floor.
Still, he wakes me up every morning. Sometimes it’s 8:00 – which is still better than a regular school day – and sometimes it’s 10:00. Otherwise I would sleep all day long.
I get up and feed the dog. On most days, I then walk the dog. And then I look around aimlessly for something to do. Mostly, I plop myself down on the computer and look at colleges for Shane. Sometimes I research food issues and autoimmune disorders. If I’m feeling really bored, I play SongPop, my favorite – and only – video game addiction.
Since the pandemic, though, even SongPop is dull. It used to be an escape from my everyday life. Now I am always “escaped” from my everyday life.
Some days, I go for a bike ride, or I read a book, or I sit on the porch. But it’s not quite the same, no matter what happens. There are things I can do – like volunteer – but I am choosing to stay home and safe(r).
Last week, Shane had a big day, and he hit the nail on the head. His big day included picking up books at the library, driving practice, and helping a friend walk her foster dog.
Shane said, “I’m going to the library, but I’m not going in the library. And then I’m going to drive, but not on actual roads. Then I’m going to walk dogs, but I’m not walking not my dog.”
Everything feels that way right now – almost normal, but not quite.
Shane and I went to the grocery store last night, late. We go late so that we can avoid the majority of the people who shop. The store was fairly empty and we were running through, grabbing stuff, when I came around a corner and nearly bumped into someone.
“Excuse me,” I said, my voice muffled by my mask.
As soon as I spoke, I froze. I talked to someone, I thought. I wasn’t thinking. I wanted to yell after him, “I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to speak!” I didn’t want any of my germs somehow spewing through the mask in his direction.
We made a quick exit to the empty parking lot, and unloaded the cart. Then we got into the car and slathered ourselves in hand sanitizer. When we got home, we unloaded the car, put the groceries away, and then slathered again. It was almost normal, but not quite.
Maybe next month, we’ll go to a store again.