Brilliant … But Bouncy

Dylan is Coming Home.

I haven’t allowed myself to miss Dylan … too much. I’ve concentrated on his successes at college – and there have been a bunch of those! And I’ve concentrated on Shane, and his successes, too. It’s been a pretty productive few months!

But today, Dylan is coming home for the first time since he left for college. He hasn’t been here since mid-August and he’s only staying for Thanksgiving.

But I have been out of my mind with excitement.

I have checked and re-checked his room. Nothing has happened in there since we cleaned it and changed the sheets right after he left. I’ve put some mail on his bed. But for the most part, it looks exactly like it did when he left.

I’ve been looking at it anyway. Expectantly.

I am making sure the fridge and the freezer have all the appropriate items. Mostly, he likes ice cream. We have LOTS of ice cream! I’m sure he has access to plenty of ice cream at college. But I wouldn’t want him to do without!

We also have frozen pizzas – lots and lots of frozen pizzas. Did I mention that he’s coming for Thanksgiving, when we won’t even be home, and that he’s only staying for three days?

I think about how lame everything is going to look to him. He’s going to see the house in a way he’s never seen it before: from the outside. He’s going to realize that it’s dirty and that we never clean up certain piles that just live, in piles, under desks and on tables. He’s going to realize that the house has a smell – a home smell – and that his dorm room has a completely different smell – and he’ll probably think that smell is okay. And he’ll realize that he has to cook his own food here, or that someone will cook, and that his bed is giant and comfortable and he doesn’t have to climb up to get into it, like he does at college.

He’ll want to spend all of his time in his studio, making music, because he doesn’t have all that space at school. And I’ll want him to spend his time with me, so I can just sit and grin at him, soaking in his presence. Neither of us will get our way entirely.

Most of all, he’ll feel two things: stifled and relaxed. Simultaneously. He’ll remember how young he was, when he left, and he’ll want to get away from that immediately. And then he’ll remember how nice it is here, having people who love him doing the smothering.

And I will remember that I felt that way, too, and that it turned out okay – with my parents now being two of my favorite people in the whole wide world.

And I will remember that they let me have my space when I needed it. I will try to let Dylan have space. I already called him and asked if he would go with us to get a Christmas tree. This may have been too much to ask, but I couldn’t bear the thought of doing it without him.

And then, after we get the tree, he will go back to college. And I will miss him more than ever. But he’ll come home again in a few weeks, and I am already looking forward to that. Even though I know that our house will be lame. Our stuff will be lame. I will be the lamest of all.

And it will be okay. It will be okay. It will all be okay.