Nothing Is Ever Enough.
Sometimes I wonder what’s wrong with other people. I have noticed that not everyone has trouble stopping. For me, though, if something is good, I inhale it, then live and breathe it, until it simply runs out.
In my lifetime, I have been addicted to – and given up – alcohol, drugs (a wide variety), cigarettes and caffeine. But I am addicted to non-consumable things, too. My general rule is: if it’s good, I can’t get enough.
Music, to me, is a kind of addiction. A lot of people love and appreciate music, but not everyone has a problem with this.
For example, a friend of mine posted on Facebook about his top three favorite songs by The Beatles. Afterward, every day, he posted his three favorite songs by different artists, and friends would post their favorite songs, too.
This happened early during the pandemic, so it had an added benefit for me: nothing else in the world was happening. I got addicted to these posts. I would wake up, brush my teeth, then run to check Facebook to see which artist’s songs I would be considering for the day.
After posting every day for a full month, my friend stopped posting. When I messaged him in a panic, with no reason left to live, he said that he thought 30 days was enough. And for everyone else, I’m pretty sure it was enough. But for me? Nothing is ever enough.
I spent the rest of the day making a list of every artist whose songs I had liked in the past 50 years. The list went on and on … page after page … and when I was done, I had a list that included every artist I’d known in every genre for my entire life.
Then, randomly (using a computer-generated number), I selected one of those artists. And I made a list of my top five favorite songs by that artist. (I found five to be even better than three, since sometimes three was insufficient, and sometimes I still had to list Honorable Mentions.)
The next day, I brushed my teeth, then randomly selected another artist. I did this every day for another seven months. This list kept me going until really, there were no other artists to consider.
Similarly, when I started reading Stephen King decades ago, I started with The Stand, which I couldn’t put down, and then I refused to read anything by any other author until I’d read all the Stephen King books I could read.
This lasted for about two years, since I’d read zero Stephen King books previously. There were so, so many Stephen King books to read! Then I read Thinner, which was a huge waste of my time, and I stopped reading Stephen King books altogether for decades.
I do it at 1,000% or I don’t do it at all.
This may not be typical of every addict, but it is how I am. And I am much worse with foods than books or music.
One fine summer day, I force-fed my husband a half-ear of corn. My husband said, “Why would I eat that if I don’t want it?”
I said, “Because it’s August and it’s corn! And it’s grilled!”
I couldn’t imagine anything more devastating than discarding a freshly grilled half-ear of corn on the cob.
My husband ate the corn, but he didn’t want it. And I guess that’s the part I don’t understand: the not wanting it.
When something is good, I want it.
I don’t know if that’s because I’m a very good addict, or if that’s just me.