Brilliant … But Bouncy

I Am Not ONLY A Parent.

I am a parent. It is my life, it is my greatest joy, and it is all I ever wanted to be. I didn’t know this until I became a parent – but I won’t apologize for changing my entire perspective on the universe when I transferred from “Kirsten” to “Mom.”

Some people don’t understand why I “changed” when my kids were born. My priorities shifted to: Kids First; Everything Else Second. Some people didn’t get it.

Others – who knew me as a self-absorbed, immature adult – were grateful for my new priorities. Regardless, the change was for the better. I am a better person because I am a parent.

But this pandemic has brought into focus one very clear fact: I am not only a parent. Social isolation has forced a kind of early “empty nest” feeling. After six months of feeling useless, I’ve recognized that I am still a human being. I have a whole personal history of my own. I have opinions and thoughts and beliefs about things other than parenting.

Lately, as I’ve contemplated writing my next blog post, I keep hitting a wall. This wall has giant, neon-spray-painted lettering on it that says: YOU NEED TO TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE.

I have been hesitating to say anything for fear of I might start writing about myself and never look back.

Then … what about Shane? I feel like Shane is getting the short end of the stick, because he’s still a junior in high school and I haven’t talked much about him. He does have issues, of course, but he’s really taking care of himself. The kid has OCD, survived a vision processing disorder, has trouble with tests, takes things too literally and is finally looking at colleges. So I feel bad, not having written a sufficient amount about Shane.

I am sure Dylan won’t mind if I don’t write about him. (By the way, he got a new job – one that actually requires training, in a place where they actually care about their employees.)

I can still write about parenting, of course, as it affects me. And it will – always and forever – affect me.

I also wonder if I continue to write, and I write about things not related to my kids, will people still want to read it? Who cares about my opinions and beliefs? Why would anyone bother?

And how far down the rabbit hole should I go? What if I start writing about my personal history – one that includes more than a decade of delinquency – and it somehow impacts my children? I don’t want their friends talking about “your mama” any more than they already do.

And… Should I change the website address? If I write about myself, nothing in the world will make me rise to the level of either “brilliant” or “bouncy.” I am a more of a somewhat-bright, couch-potato sort.

I don’t know exactly how to proceed – or even if I should proceed. I like to write. I like to express my feelings. I don’t like that my feelings sometimes upset other people, but I can’t actually control that.

Even though most people on this earth don’t know this blog exists, it means something to me. So … do I continue? Do I keep writing only about parenting? Or do I forget about the whole blog and just keep my thoughts to myself? Or do I write about the pandemic, the issues, my feelings, my personal history, or … whatever I want to write?

Feel free to comment below or email me directly at brilliantbutbouncy@verizon.net.

I thank you, in advance, for any input.