About the Author
Kirsten is a mom of two boys and a recent empty nester. Married to a wonderful man who provides for her to do whatever she wants, Kirsten chooses to play softball, care for dogs, have occasional lunches with other moms, read memoirs and go to the movies.
Kirsten recently changed the format of the blog from parenting to “rambling thoughts” – which later changed to thoughts about her drunken past and 30+ years of sobriety. The blog took a new turn at the 30-year mark, with Kirsten opening up about the wasteland that was her life many years ago.
While Kirsten still sees herself as a “mom first and human second,” she hopes that her new focus will not be offensive to her children or her parents, and wants to keep going without pause in a life that has been miraculous since her first day of sobriety: August 20, 1992.
Hello there,
I hope your autoimmune issue is going alright. I completely understand that parenting is hard work, especially with teenagers. But something caught my eye in one of your newer posts, about the day off he had before the SATs. It is SO hard to get kids to choose work over friends (I was at that age too). But as I was reading, you explained how you were the one to pick up Dylan’s friends and drive them to their destination. Have you tried to instead to tell him you will not drive him where he wants until he does some work? A type of compromise? Maybe he would like, as a young man, to have that type of adult talk with you! I don’t mean to insult you, so please don’t take it that way. I just know that when you get frazzled, sometimes simple steps can be overlooked.
Hi Emily, and thanks for your comment. Dylan and I have had many of those adult talks over the years, and he has – very, very regularly – been forced to do work before I take him anywhere. In fact, just yesterday he had to do a four-page review for math and an entire English assignment before he was allowed to see his friend. Sure enough, he did it all, instead of procrastinating as he usually does. And we even double-checked his work.
But since he is 17 now, I have been trying to give him the chance to be responsible for himself and his work. This means that sometimes I take him places without forcing the issue of school work. And usually, as you noticed, he doesn’t do his work unless he’s forced. But if I am constantly the person in charge of his work, what will happen when he’s in college? How will he learn to discipline himself if he’s only doing school work in order to pacify me?
It is a very fine line that I walk continually – and I have the same arguments with myself every time I choose to go either way. In fact, it’s probably the basis of the entire blog – I constantly ask myself: what is the best approach to take? So while I understand and appreciate your comment, sometimes I think it’s a good idea to let him be responsible for himself.
Sigh. It just so rarely works the way I want! Thanks, though. 🙂
You really need to stop blaming everyone else for your incompetences as a parent.
Also, shouldn’t you think more about your child than to air all his dirty laundry online? He’s old enough to be embarrassed and understand what your doing.
Nancy, thanks so much for your supportive feedback. I see that you have not read nearly enough of my blogs, because otherwise you would recognize the insecurity I already have and be a little kinder with your approach.
Please note that my kids both have approved of this blog before it ever started, and take time to read it regularly – as well as approving of any sensitive postings. You, on the other hand, have done nothing more than spew venom without looking more deeply into the situation. Thanks again for your support.
Lisa, thanks so much for commenting! I do feel incredibly alone sometimes, and other times I feel like I’m just one of several billion parents of teenagers! I started this blog about a month ago because I couldn’t find anyone blogging about raising a teenager who is … well, brilliant but bouncy! I’ll keep posting (Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays at least) and I’d be thrilled if you check back in sometimes. After all, I made it so we would all feel less alone.
🙂
Thanks again.
WOW! just read all your recent posts. You are describing my son to a T when you are talking about Dylan. My son: gifted, hands on, engineering, making things out of nothing, robotics, ADHD,hitting the brick wall in 6th grade, teenager. All the situations you have talked about I have lived them too. I just wanted to say I am glad I am not alone. I found this from Celebrate Calm. I am having major problems with my son. Anyway- thanks for writing and making me feel normal.