So Why Are We Going Back?

Dylan is scheduled to go back to the neurologist next week.

We’ve been going to the neurologist for years to get medication. Now, there is no medication. So why are we going back?

Are we planning to try a new medication? Should we just sit and tell her what’s going on, then explain that we’re just going to let him fail in school so that he doesn’t kill himself before he turns 18? Or should we see if any new ADHD medications have been invented in the past few months?

Should we try a different stimulant, a lower dosage, a higher dosage, a different non-stimulant? Or should we find a new doctor? Should we go to one of the fly-by-nights we interviewed years ago, who wrote us a prescription without even examining our 10-year-old?

Or should we put Dylan on a constant regimine of coffee and other caffeinated beverages, since that’s how his dad stays focused? And what if that works? Are we willing to risk the heart problems, high blood pressure, anxiety, irritability and digestive disorders that come with it? (Apparently, my husband thinks it is worth the risk to his body – but would he think it is worth the risk to his son?)

I keep thinking we should try a different stimulant – something without such a huge crash. But then I remember Dylan, wailing and moaning and face-planting himself on the floor in despair.

And I think, no. No stimulants.

I don’t even know why we’re going in, except that we love our neurologist and we really need help. I just can’t even fathom what she’ll be able to do for us. I should go in with a plan, a thought, a hope. But I have none.

I don’t want to see him fail. But more importantly, I want to see him happy.

So now what?

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