How Can I Let Him Go?
Tomorrow is Shane’s rescheduled, rescheduled-again field trip. With all the snow days we’ve had, I can no longer remember the originally scheduled date. And I am supposed to chaperone.
“Tomorrow is the last day for the whole school year that we can go,” Shane told me. “There are no other dates they can have us there.”
And – SURPRISE! – they are calling for snow.
Shane really wants to go on this trip. Field trips are fun. I want him to go, too. I’m not sure I want to go myself, but I want him to be happy.
Unfortunately, I still have control issues.
Weather – and the decision to cancel/delay/open on time – are completely out of my control. There is absolutely nothing I can do about it. Yet I sit here, worrying about it. I wonder, What if…? What if…?
As if thinking hard enough, wondering long enough, would change the outcome. As if I have any say in the matter at all.
Having kids – and living life – is frequently a matter of letting go.
My sister had kids before I did. When Dylan was so young he couldn’t even walk yet, she said, “Having kids is completely about letting go. As soon as they’re born, you start letting them go.”
I didn’t believe her. To be fair, I had no idea what she was talking about. How can I let him go? I thought. I just got him!
But she was right. And what she was saying is a lot deeper than the weather – and can help me in every aspect of my parenting.
I need to let go when they are learning to tie their shoes, to wash their hair, to button their shirts. I need to let go when they make poor decisions, when they forget things, when they choose things I don’t like. I need to let go when they argue – with each other, and with me. I need to let go when they moan and groan and complain because I did something they don’t like.
And for heaven’s sake, I need to let go of the weather.