He’s Still Not Turning In His Work!

As Dylan nears his 17th birthday, he is increasingly frustrated with my interference. And for the most part, I am okay with that. He doesn’t require my interference and, in spite of my absurd influence, he is growing into a fine, independent young man.

Some days, he rolls out of bed three minutes before the bus arrives – and makes it to school on time. Sometimes, he texts me from school because he’s going to the movies with his friends and has completely forgotten that his family might want to see him. Some days, he goes to bed three hours after I do, making his own life miserable the next day when he’s completely unable to focus. And some days, he eats the lunch I sent from home and two more lunches at school.

And I’m okay with all of that!

But he’s still not turning in his work.

He’s STILL not turning in his work.

He’s still NOT TURNING IN his work!

His grades are pretty good. Well – they were good at the end of last quarter. And Dylan insists that they will be good again. He’s currently got two failing grades, one C and A’s in everything else. For someone who is doing not even a smidgeon of school work at home, those grades are incredible.

But…. if he turned in his work on time, he would have straight A’s.

This is a fact that seems utterly lost on him. It’s like no one ever said, “Dylan, you know, if you turn in the work on the day that it’s due, your grades would improve.”

And of course, I have said that 9,443,876, 210 times.

Instead, it’s like someone actually said to him, “Dylan, please don’t turn in all your work on time. If you did that, you’d be able to go to any college you chose! You’d get academic scholarships! Your future would shine so bright, you might not even recognize it! So for sure, whatever you do, DON’T turn in your work! Or at least, wait at least a week or two before you turn in anything. That will keep expectations low!”

I wonder if Dylan realizes that, contrary to popular belief, turning in his work on time would cause me – his arch enemy – to run screaming for the hills. There would be absolutely nothing left for me to worry about!

And then, gosh, where would I be? I’d have to turn my attention elsewhere – say, to Shane’s filthy bedroom or Bill’s hoarding tendencies. But no – for now, we’re going to maintain the status quo.

For now. Still. Even though he’s almost 17.


  1. Kirsten says:

    Just doesn’t compute for me… no matter how long it goes on, I just don’t get it!

  2. Lorrie says:

    Joy is Dylan in a female body SMH 🤦🏻‍♀️

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