That’s Before I Knew Anything Was Wrong.
My son is off to his algebra exam – the test that will determine (for him) whether hard work, practice and strong effort actually bring rewards.
It’s a milestone of sorts – his first anxiety-producing exam. And when I walked into his room this morning to give him a good-morning hug, all I could think about were the days when, as a toddler, I would lift him into my arms and we would dance and dance around the living room to Rod Stewart’s rendition of Ooh La La.
“I wish that I knew what I know now, when I was younger…”
It’s only been 10 years. Ten short years since my baby – now two inches taller than me – would dance with me in the living room, or fly into my arms to be twirled in the air, or sit outside with me and play in a mud puddle. It was only ten years ago.
And this morning, for the first time, I thought, That’s before I knew anything was wrong with him.
But there is nothing wrong with him. He’s not broken; he’s made this way. God picked him to be just exactly like this: ADHD and all. He’s brilliant and sweet and funny and kind and optimistic and enthusiastic and absolutely perfect just the way he is.
So what if he can’t concentrate in school? He can concentrate when it matters to him. He can do things he loves – build, design, invent, re-invent – and no one has to tell him to “pay attention.”
He’s getting straight A’s in engineering – and it’s hard. He has to learn the principles of design and put them to use in building a whole slew of different contraptions. His contraptions work. And he loves doing it.
It’s just that … his brain doesn’t do what it’s supposed to do. The neurotransmitters aren’t firing on all cylinders. So it’s hard for him to concentrate on things that aren’t hands-on. He bounces to stay stimulated. He sings and spins and taps to keep his brain firing. It’s irritating as heck, but it’s how he keeps himself entertained when the subject matter isn’t entertaining enough.
So if he does well on the exam, so be it. It would be a great lesson that hard work does pay off.
But if he doesn’t do well, it would be a great lesson that studying for three weeks isn’t as efficient as keeping up with the class on a daily basis.
Either way, I love that boy. And I want him to know that, above all else.