Most Adults Didn’t Even Notice.
When Shane was a toddler, he would put his face on the floor and his diaper up in the air, and just stay that way.
He didn’t seem unhappy, or particularly tired. He just wasn’t nearly as much of a “mover” as his older brother. So we watched Shane with curiosity, and never worried about it. In fact, it was quite cute.
Later, Shane became a head-banger. It took me awhile to realize that when Shane started banging his head against a wall, or the floor, or hitting his head with his hand … that meant he was tired. He didn’t yawn and cry like some kids do. Just wham! wham! wham! on the wall with his poor, soft, baby head.
He probably banged his little brain around for two months before I put “head banging” and “exhaustion” together.
When he was barely old enough to grasp, Shane carried around a golf ball for “security.” He didn’t use a pacifier. He just picked up a golf ball one day, and didn’t put it down except to eat and sleep. And even then, it stayed with him in his crib.
After the head-banging discovery, we gave him a soft plush ball to sleep with instead. He barely noticed it, and still carried around the golf ball during his waking hours.
Shane didn’t cry a lot, even as a baby. But when he did cry, his bottom lip would protrude and his giant blue eyes were the saddest things I’d ever seen.
Shane’s anxiety started to show when he was about three, after he’d put down the golf ball. He was laid back as a child, but occasionally he’d get upset, or confused, or just nervous. He didn’t cry, or scream, or complain, or even whine.
He took the index finger of his right hand and, with it, gently petted his left hand.
This went on for years. In fact, I didn’t realize it had stopped until he was in elementary school. I started to tell his teacher about it, since most adults didn’t even notice his quiet pacification method. Then I realized that I hadn’t seen him do that in a very long time.
In fact, Shane just didn’t get anxious much anymore. He didn’t sleep with anything, or carry anything around to pacify him. He didn’t whine, or complain, or cry, or mope, or even sulk. He didn’t get moody or angry.
When something frustrated him – and when something frustrates Shane today – his eyes well up with tears and he walks away. Sometimes he gets a snack and comes back, refreshed. Sometimes he never talks about it again. Sometimes it takes days, and then he talks about it. But he always deals with whatever issue is bothering him – until it’s not bothering him anymore.
I’ve learned a lot from Shane about how to be content. I always thought he was just born that way.
But thinking back now, about the golf ball and the head-banging and the peculiar way he “sat” face-down on the floor … I’m just not so sure.
I think maybe he taught himself how to be content.