It’s Your Life and They’re Your Grades.
Dylan’s case manager sent me an email, midway through the third week of school.
For those of you not fortunate enough to have a child with “special needs,” a case manager is the person who helps Dylan keep track of stuff at school. Dylan’s case manager is astoundingly wonderful, almost to the point of becoming a superhero. I adore her.
She emailed me as if I had no idea what was going on with Dylan’s grades.
“He is missing one item from every class,” she said, “except for two missing assignments in Spanish, which is bringing his grades down across the board.”
She sent me a screen shot of his grades as they now stand: no grades yet in his two electives. In his important subjects, he has two D’s and three E’s (the nice way of saying “F”). And it is only the 10th day of school.
I wrote a note back to the case manager, who knows I am usually a helicopter mom. To the best of my ability, I explained my situation:
I am trying very hard to let Dylan take care of Dylan’s stuff. Still, I mentioned his missing work to him about 14 times over the weekend. He assures me that it is ALL turned in (even though he doesn’t seem to know what is missing). He also says that he’s totally ‘got it’ – even though I don’t think he really does ‘have it.’
I am sure that this is typical teen but, given his ADHD, I have no idea how much of the missing assignments can be attributed to brain misfires, and how much is due to Dylan being irresponsible.
Luckily, Dylan really wants to drive – and we have a school year contract that says (in so many words): ‘It’s your life, and they’re your grades. Flunk 10th grade or go to the college you love; it’s your choice. But don’t expect us to teach you to drive if you continue to be irresponsible.’
I think Dylan is not on drugs, not harming himself or anyone else, is obsessed with something good (music) and really wants to go to college. So I *want* to jump in and save his grades. But I am not going to do it. Thanks for keeping me posted, though, because I still worry about him every day (all day) and it is REALLY good to have you in there, helping and being on his side!
We will see if he actually does listen to her.
I can’t do anything at all.