Why Did I Even Get Out of Bed?
I’d been asleep for less than an hour when, for some unknown reason, I popped up out of my bed to check on Dylan.
Some little voice in my head was just screaming, Go see what he’s doing!
So I headed down the hall, for whatever reason, and stood outside of his room. Something didn’t seem right, but it was pitch black and I had no idea what was out of place. I couldn’t tell if he was asleep or awake or even there.
So I turned on the hall light. And sure enough, there was this huge mound in the middle of the bed – not like a sleeping boy. I walked in and tossed the covers off of him. He tossed the covers back on quickly and I heard a familiar THUNK! – the sound of something hitting the floor.
He tried to hide it, but sure enough, the kid with the electronics limit of two hours per day was using electronics – at 1:00 in the morning.
“What are you doing?”
“Huh?” he said, as if he didn’t hear me.
“What was that?” As if I didn’t know.
“It was my iPad,” he said, hanging his head.
And then we talked for a long time about self-control and discipline – a conversation that was likely useless, since it took place in the middle of the night. And then I spent another hour tossing and turning, trying to get back to sleep.
And now we’re back to square one, where I can’t trust him again. Where he is hiding things from me. After all these weeks – two months! – of impeccable behavior, I now have to guess whether or not he is doing what he says he’s doing, being where he says he will be, and acting in a trustworthy manner.
I know, full well, that this is the way of teenagers. That they have to break free of their parents and move forth with their lives. I know that sometimes that means lying and doing other things that they won’t do as adults, just to prove that they can.
But I am tired of being the heavy-handed disciplinarian, the “only” Mom who limits electronic usage to “only” two hours a day – and the “only” one who forces her children to put away the screens at 10 p.m.
My question is this: why did I even get out of bed?