I Haven’t Seen You All Day.

Sometimes I go a whole day without spending any time with Shane until bedtime.

It never occurred to me, when selecting a private school for Dylan 45 minutes from home, that Shane would somehow suffer. And I’m not sure, really, that he is suffering. But he does spend a lot of his day with other people.

His grandparents have been unbelievable – picking him up at school nearly every day, so that he doesn’t have to ride a bus. The bus that would have been Shane’s bus is always the last to arrive – and Dylan and I would have ended up waiting 30 minutes for Shane, every day, who didn’t enjoy the bus ride at all.

Shane’s friends’ parents have also come through for us – many, many times. Shane gets to have playdates with some of his very best friends quite frequently now. And their parents take him not only willingly, but happily. It’s awesome to know that other people like Shane, too.

But for me, I miss him. Sometimes I miss him all day long.

I am thrilled to have the time in the car with Dylan. He’s growing into such a nice young man, and it’s a pleasure talking to him, finding out about his day, whatever. I will sincerely miss the car time with him next year – although I won’t miss the equally long rides alone.

Meanwhile, Shane doesn’t care at all. Last night, I crawled into bed with him and read him a story. Then it was time for his “show.” (The stuffed animals briefly come to life and perform.) Apparently, Bill does better “shows” than I do, because once again, Shane asked for his dad to do the show.

“I haven’t seen you all day,” I whined. That morning, I had been late getting back from Dylan’s school because of rainy day traffic, and we only had five minutes to play with Fisher Price little people – our morning routine.

“You didn’t?” Shane asked.

“Not since the little people did five minutes of bungee jumping this morning,” I said. “You went to school, then you played chess with Grandad, then you worked on your book, then you planted tomato plants with Daddy and then you jumped on the trampoline and watched a video with Dylan!”

“You can do a show if you want to,” he said. He always tries to be accomodating.

“That’s okay,” I said, leaning in for a big hug. “I just miss you.”

“Okay,” he said. There was no dramatic pause. “You can get Daddy now.”

Sometimes I think we did so well making sure Shane was happy, that he’s a little bit happier without me.


  1. Lorrie says:

    I find the “being happy without me” to be just a smidgen disconcerting as a mother. My two just love to spend time with their Dad, and as a teacher Craig certainly gets a lot of time to spend with them while I am off working (you know most holidays and well, all summer long). I don’t begrudge him this special time, but I just thought it would be different than it has turned out to be. Soon Mario will ship off to college and Joy (hopefully) will follow shortly afterwards,so I just try to make the best of what little me @ the kids time I can squeeze out of them…electronics do not help much! Parenthood is a very interesting journey, but you know I wouldn’t trade it for all the tea in China

    • Kirsten says:

      True, true. I try so hard to capture every little moment in my memory. Sad that I can’t catch and keep them all! But as another reader said, the goal is for them to be fine without us – and I try hard to remember that… It’s just such a precious thing, being a parent. Every day is an adventure!

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