We Need to Talk About This Electronics Thing.
The day after I found Dylan on his computer at 10:30 p.m. (an hour and a half after the turn-it-off deadline), we had the following conversation.
“Dylan, we need to talk about this electronics thing. It’s getting ridiculous.”
“I know.”
“You are on the iPad, iPod, cell phone or computer all the time! This can’t keep happening. You have always been good about following the rules. So do you want to tell me why you have broken the rule about turning off electronics twice in the past week?”
“I don’t know. I guess it’s because there’s like no other person in the world who’s my age who has any restrictions on electronics. I mean, they are on them all the time. Not one single person I know has to turn off their electronics ever, and I am the only one who has a time limit.”
“Well, maybe you need new friends, but it’s not about them. You are on some kind of electronic device every minute of every day, except when you’re in school. We never see you anymore! So for the next few weeks, you are on restriction. No electronics, except your cell phone, until February 15th. And then we’ll decide what to do.”
“Okay. I was kinda thinking about doing that anyway. I wanted to do something, because I knew I was just on there too much. But I just didn’t really know what I should do.”
“Good. So you’re okay with it.”
“Yeah. It’s just that sometimes I don’t feel like I have anything else to do. I really want to see my friends but you always say I can’t see them, and they really understand me. And I love Shane, I mean, he’s like my best friend. And you’re always on the computer and Daddy’s never here. But mostly I just want to do stuff with people my own age, and I don’t ever get to do that.”
“So you want to have your friends over more often?”
“Yeah, or go to their house or whatever.”
“And you’re okay having friends over without using electronics?”
“Yeah, because really all I do on electronics is talk to my friends. So if they’re here, we can just talk and do stuff.”
“Okay. So here’s my issue. Instead of telling me that you want your friends to come over in ten minutes, maybe you could let me know a day or two ahead of time. That way, we can schedule our family activities and you can still have friends over. Can you do that?”
“I can try. But sometimes people just want to come over in like ten minutes.”
“Well sometimes, that works. But sometimes we have other things planned. But I hear what you’re saying, and I will try to make more time for you to have friends over. And you try to tell me in advance, if you can. Okay?”
“Okay. Thanks.”
And that was that. No yelling, no arguments. All kinds of mutual respect, and a new understanding for what’s going on with my son. Awesome.