And Then They Explode.

After living through it once, surviving Dylan’s years, and now enrolling my baby, I think I finally understand middle school.

In elementary school, the kids are both coddled and lectured with great consistency. Teachers tell them how to walk in the hallways, where to hang their coats, when and what to eat, with whom they should sit, and when to go to the bathroom. Teachers are also authority figures, to be treated with respect, and most of the elementary-aged kids do that.

In middle school, though, that familiar structure goes right out the window. Kids get their own lockers and are told, as a group, where to congregate – but not where to sit, or with whom. They have rules but, possibly due to the students’ larger sizes, these rules are not as strictly enforced – if they are enforced at all.

In middle school, the kids are left to fend for themselves in many ways. In concept, it’s a great opportunity: kids have the ability to choose their own identities at this point, to share who they are with their peers. They have a slew of after-school activities to choose from, and they can find friends with similar interests.

But that’s not the only thing that happens.

Many of these kids – some really kind, decent kids – don’t have a clue how to survive without a rigid structure. So they go hog wild. They swear constantly, just to see what will happen. They steal – even if it’s just taking someone’s pen – because they can. They cheat, they lie, they push the boundaries until the boundaries almost disappear. And their respect for authority figures goes right out the window.

But I don’t think the problem is middle school. I think the problem happens in elementary school.

There is no allowance for the fact that the kids in elementary school are growing up. They come into kindergarten with a desperate need for structure. They need to be told where to go, what to do, when to go to the bathroom. But by second grade, they’ve pretty much learned the ropes. And by fourth grade, they are busting at the seams to break free from all the restrictions.

For example, Shane once told me that the lunch ladies had given the fifth graders assigned seating – and that the fifth graders had hoped to be able to “earn back” the right to sit with their friends. When I asked what the fifth graders had done to deserve this punishment, Shane said, “I don’t know, but we’ve had assigned seating for like two weeks.”

When I talked to the principal later that day, he was just about to talk to the lunch ladies – and so the ban was lifted.

But the kids should be given more independence in fifth grade, not less. They need to become accustomed to being able to choose seats, talk in hallways and get around. Instead, they are roped down like cattle – and set loose on the middle school community, just as they start puberty with a vengeance.

And then they explode. They go wild, trying out all the new-found freedoms. Most of them – especially those without quality parental supervision (and there are lots of those) – have no internal monitor to remind them of that precious Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. 

Instead, they push, fight, claw, cheat, lie, and steal – while other students (often the ones with internal monitors) cower in the corners, and try to stay unnoticed until the madness dies down.

And when it finally does, the next logical option is … high school.

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