Don’t Die!

Today, Dylan is on a field trip with his school. They went skiing.

Dylan is an excellent skier. He got his own skis last year, and he was zipping down the black diamonds (whether or not I liked it) in two days. I’m not worried about him getting hurt.

My concern, instead, focuses on the exceptionally high number of small things he must remember. So for the entire drive to school this morning, here is how the conversation went between obsessive, panicked me and my ADHD teenager.


Don’t lose anything. If you lose anything, you have to pay me for it. Do you understand?


It’s important to drink water. You will get dehydrated if you don’t. Where is your water bottle? Will it fit in your coat pocket?

“I think it fits. If I lose my water bottle, do I have to pay you for it?”

No. But don’t take it if it doesn’t fit in your pocket. There’s free water in the ski rental area, and in the cafe. But drink plenty of water. And be sure to eat. Eat on the bus – both ways. You have enough snacks for both ways.

“You already told me that – twice.”

And eat healthy food for lunch, not just junk. Don’t spend ALL the money we gave you! And don’t lose your snow pants. Are you sure you wouldn’t rather wear long underwear? And what about a hat?

“I’ll be wearing a helmet the whole time, Mom.”

You might need a hat when you take off your helmet. But that’s okay, I wouldn’t want you to lose your hat. And don’t lose your gloves! Whatever you do, don’t lose your gloves! Remember how, last year, sometimes we’d see one glove when we looked down from the ski lift? If that happens to you, and you can’t get your glove back, ask a teacher to buy you a new pair. Tell her I’ll pay her back. But you have to pay me back. Okay? You can NOT ski without gloves! 


And don’t lose your skis. How are you going to remember which skis are yours? Are you going to remember where you put them during lunch? I marked one of them so you should be able to find them again. Don’t lose your boots, either! 

“I’m going to be wearing my boots the whole time.”

Oh, right. Okay. So do you have everything you need? Where is your money?

“It’s in my pocket.”

Make sure it’s in your zippered pocket. Where is your phone? Do you have your phone?


Don’t lose your phone! It’s the only way you’ll be able to find everyone if you lose them. But the MOST important rule is, DON’T DIE! And don’t break a limb, either. 

“Holden broke his arm last year.”

Who’s Holden?

“He went to this school last year.”

Well I’d rather you didn’t break anything – but definitely don’t die! If you see a tree, or even if you’re just going slightly too fast, sit down. Okay?

“But I was planning to die and break a leg today.”

If you’re dead, I won’t care if your leg is broken! So the most important rule is don’t die. Oh, and have fun.


I helped him carry in the immense amount of stuff he needed for the day. Then I drove for 45 minutes, and pulled into my garage. At about that time, I got a text from Dylan.

“Um, I don’t have any ski poles.”

Sure enough, in all of my insanity, I’d forgotten to pack his poles.


  1. Kirsten says:

    So I texted Dylan back and said that he was allowed to borrow some poles from the lodge – which he did! And then he returned them at the end of the day. 🙂

  2. Michele Molnar says:

    This is hilarious. A tip for Mom: Don’t lose your mind mothering! You can’t replace it if you do.

  3. Lorrie says:

    So did you make the trip back with the poles or did he buy a new set? You are way too funny! However I do worry about you dying from a heartache induced by all the stress you put on yourself… Remember it’s not a perfect world & no one expects you to be perfect except maybe YOU !

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